An 18-Year-Old Instagram Star Says Her "Perfect Life" Was Actually Making Her Miserable

"A 15-year-old girl that calorie restricts and
excessively exercises is not goals."
Originally posted on November 02, 2015, 18:58 GMT
Updated on November 04, 2015, 15:51 GMT
Stephanie McNeal
BuzzFeed News Reporter
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This is Essena O'Neill, an 18-year-old from the
Sunshine Coast of Australia.
instagram.com
Over the past several years, O'Neill has built a
social media empire. She explained that when
she was in high school, she started posting on
a blog, YouTube , and social media, and soon
became consumed by it.
instagram.com
"I fell in love with this idea that I could be of
value to other people," she wrote. "Let's call
this my snowballing addiction to be liked by
others."
View this photo on Instagram
She soon became an online sensation. She
said she at one point now had more than half
a million followers on Instagram and more than
250,000 YouTube subscribers alone.
instagram.com
View this photo on Instagram
As she became a bigger online celebrity, she
began to get more and more sponsorship
opportunities. Eventually, she was able to
support herself through sponsorships and was
getting offers to model in L.A., she wrote.
tumblr.com
A search for O'Neill on Tumblr brings up many
pictures.
To her thousands of fans it seemed like she
had it all. But, O'Neill wrote, she was totally
unhappy.
instagram.com
"Yeah 16-year-old Essena would have been
like 'WTF girl you have the dream life,'" she
wrote. "So why did I feel so lost, lonely and
miserable?"
View this photo on Instagram
But recently, O'Neill decided she had had
enough. She said she realized she had stopped
"actioning her values," and wasn't living an
authentic life.
instagram.com
"I was addicted to what others thought of me,
simply because it was so readily available,"
she wrote. "I was severely addicted. I believed
how many likes and followers I had correlated
to how many people liked me. I didn't even
see it happening, but social media had become
my sole identity. I didn't even know what I
was without it."
View this photo on Instagram
So she has decided to make a change. O'Neill
announced to her followers last week that she
is quitting social media and edited the
captions on her "perfect photos" to tell the
truth behind the pictures.
instagram.com
View this photo on Instagram
O'Neill kept her edited Instagram online for
about a week, then deleted it on Wednesday,
she wrote on her blog. But her edited captions
live on through fan accounts.
All of her "fitspo" pics? O'Neill wrote that she
was engaging in unhealthy habits just to get
the perfect "hot body" shot.
instagram.com
"A 15 year old girl that calorie restricts and
excessively exercises is not goals. Anyone
addicted to social media fame like I once was,
is not in a conscious state," she wrote.
View this photo on Instagram
Her "candid" bikini shots? Totally staged.
instagram.com
"...Stomach sucked in, strategic pose, pushed
up boobs," O'Neill wrote on one of her photos.
"I just want younger girls to know this isn't
candid life, or cool or inspirational. It's
contrived perfection made to get attention."
View this photo on Instagram
In fact, O'Neill writes that some of her
"candid" poses were done just for the 'gram.
On one picture, she wrote she never wore the
outfit in the photo out of the house.
instagram.com
View this photo on Instagram
O'Neill wrote that she would spend hours
trying to get the "perfect" selfie, and then
would edit it using several different apps.
instagram.com
"'Please like this photo, I put on makeup,
curled my hair, tight dress, big uncomfortable
jewelry... Took over 50 shots until I got one I
thought you might like, then I edited this one
selfie for ages on several apps- just so I could
feel some social approval from you,'" she
wrote.
View this photo on Instagram
And sometimes, her photos were the only
thing that could make her happy.
instagram.com
"The only thing that made me feel good that
day was this photo," she wrote. "How deeply
depressing. Having a toned body is not all we
as human beings are capable of."
View this photo on Instagram
The teen star is also revealing how many of
her posts were sponsored by brands.
She wrote that she made money off photos on
the regular, even though they looked
completely candid.
"If you find yourself looking at 'Instagram girls'
and wishing your life was [their's]... Realize
you only see what they want," she wrote. "If
they tag a company 99% of the time it's paid."
In a video posted to her YouTube channel, a
makeup-free O'Neill begins to cry when she
talks about how meaningless she feels her life
has become. In another video, she talks about
why she has learned social media "sucks."

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